From the twisted minds of BB Ben and Sailor Monsoon comes a new collaborative review series called Double Impact! For these opinion pieces, we watch a film, discuss it, and then Sailor turns our drunken conversations into something legible and entertaining!
There is no rhyme or reason to the movie selection process, but don’t be surprised if we lean heavily on garbage action films (that’s right, Chuck Norris, the meme stops here).
Strap in, Exiles.
This is–Double Impact!
Film: Who Finds a Friend Finds a Treasure aka A Treasure Is a Friend
Action Star: Terence Hill and Bud Spencer
Tagline (that doubles as a plot synopsis): …I couldn’t find one. It seems like they decided to go with 45 different titles instead of a tagline.
Review and Random Thoughts
Sailor Monsoon– Raiders of Atlantis, Sister Street Fighter or Who Finds a Friend Finds a Treasure?
BB– What happened to you picking the movie ahead of time and me picking a beer to drink while watching it? Now I gotta do two things!
SM– But the wheel…
SM– The Google spiny thing you used last week to pick Mister Deathman or whatever. We went against it and ended up with Mr. No Legs. I don’t want another Mr. No Legs.
BB– If you didn’t want it, why was it in contention!?
SM– They can’t all be winners…
BB– But why…?
SM– Less back chat and more spinning.
BB– Is the third thing a movie title or a lovely sentiment?
BB– (After going silent for ten minutes):
BB– I drank a little too fast and forgot the names of the movies. And then I got excited about Raiders but then I remembered it wasn’t the Raiders I was thinking of and then I got disappointed and forgot what I was doing. I’ve had a very eventful ten minutes.
SM– I applaud the effort.
BB– Weird, I can’t find it on mobile.
SM– Are you typing the full title or “The Friend Thing?”
BB– Oh, I wrote “He Who Finds A Friend Finds A Kidney.” I am Busby Berkeley— (that’s my new hip way of calling myself drunk. It’s going to catch on now any second.)
SM– That’s never going to catch on.
BB– You don’t know nothing old man.
SM– Have you ever seen a Terence Hill/Budd Spencer film before?
BB– Don’t think so. Lemme check the IMDB.
SM– Picture the Pegg/Frost dynamic from Hot Fuzz but flipped.
BB– Interesting. You adding them to the pot for next week?
SM– We’re literally about to watch one of their films.
BB– ……….Well then. As they say, “I’m Busby Berkeley.”
SM– That makes even less sense.
BB– Who finds a beer finds a friend.
SM– ……I’m pressing play now.
110 Minutes Later
BB– Before we started this, I prepared myself for a wacky foreign film. I was not expecting a wacky kids film.
SM– It’s like the director (Sergio Corbucci) drank a liter of cough syrup and then marathoned a whole season of Looney Tunes and then decided to make a film. This isn’t a negative.
BB– But and this is an important but, like a Beyoncé butt, it’s like an old Looney Tunes cartoon. You know, the problematic ones.
SM– All I kept thinking while watching this was, “there’s no way they’re intentionally trying to be offensive but man, this wouldn’t fly today.”
BB– The 80’s was the last decade a lot of shit would be acceptable. I mean, when’s the last time you saw a witch doctor pop up in any form of entertainment? Or the phrase “oooga booga?”
SM– It’s funny but we kept waiting for the cliche scene involving the heroes, some vegetables, a cauldron and some cannibalistic natives and while it never got there, that in itself is racist and neither of us thought about that while wishing for it to be included.
BB– It’s not the most offensive film I’ve ever seen nor should it be censored or banned but do you think it should have a warning at least?
SM– I guess we should stop beating around the bush: there’s straight up black face in this. They covered an Italian actor in dark make up, gave him a big afro and had him act like a caveman. The only thing missing was a giant bone in his nose.
BB– We should also explain the plot.
SM– Hill and Spencer play treasure hunters who have to contend with S&M pirates, gangsters, a lone Japanese soldier and culturally insensitive stereotypes while being stuck on an island. It’s one part tourism promo, one part marmalade commercial and all parts crazy.
BB– I really wanted to address the black faced elephant in the room immediately because even though the film has controversial elements and is a good 45 minutes too long, I was never bored.
SM– The chemistry of the two leads plus it’s cartoon-esque plot structure kept me engaged. It’s a fun adventure romp Hollywood doesn’t make anymore.
BB– You know the last thing you just said could be translated as, “We need more racism in our kids films”–Sailor Monsoon.
SM– That made me think of the shit the kids said in the original the Bad News Bears. Talk about shit that wouldn’t fly.
BB– “Sailor Monsoon fondly remembers things that came out of the mouths of chi…”
SM– What is wrong with you?
BB– What, do you want a list?
Conversations without context
“Who Finds Studio 54 Finds a drug habit.”
“Almond joys are the superior candy
That one nut changes the game.”
“Italians are kinky motherfuckers.”
“Meningitis and the French curse.”
“I got an Aunt Honda” oh movie, you so crazy”
“If you’re referring to the human goo, it already happened.”