FilmExodus Overview: All Reviews, Editorials, & Just For Funs for November 2018

Welcome to the FilmExodus Overview, where every month all the original content –reviews, opinions, editorials— is collected and presented in one easy to reach location, with bonus commentary from M. Karlston!


Review – AFI 100

Review – Classic Film Talk

Review – Comics

Review – Double Impact

Review – The Eighties Fever

Review – Horror Korner

Review – Monsoon-A-Day

Review – A Muggle Reviews

Review – Other


Open Thread – What’s On the Grill?

Open Thread – Appreciation Thread


Staff Picks – Buried Treasures


Editorial – Favorite Movies A-Z

Editorial – FilmExodus Ranks

Editorial – Lenz on Cinema

Editorial – Other


Just For Fun


The Analytical Side of Things

In November, FilmExodus had 8400 unique pageviews. Here’s the Top 10 most viewed reviews, editorials, staff picks, and just for fun posts of the month:

  1. Lenz on Cinema: The Return
  2. Let’s Talk About… ‘Nashville’ (1975)
  3. Interview with Paul Solet, Writer/Director of ‘Bullet Head’
  4. Lenz on Cinema: Sex and Violence
  5. Lenz on Cinema: Two with Thompson
  6. The 100 Greatest Horror Characters Of All Time (10-1)
  7. What’s On The Grill? November 7th – November 14th
  8. Vincent Kane’s Favorite Movies A-Z: Part 1 (A-F)
  9. The Eighties Fever: ‘RoboCop’ (1987)
  10. ‘Mandy’ Review: Ragin’ Cagin

PREVIOUSLY: PROLOGUE I, PROLOGUE II, CHAPTER I, CHAPTER II

CHAPTER III: THE GREATEST SHOWMAN

L’EXODUS HEADQUARTERS – PARIS

AUGUST 2, 2018 – 0045 HOURS

“Pete Stracciatella,” Jean said sliding a dossier across the table. Karlston, Dhalgren, and Alvarez sat seated across the table from Pops and Jean in the briefing room at L’EXODUS. Karlston opened the dossier while Dhalgren and Alvarez crowded around him.

“This is the man.” Karlston said. “He calls himself ‘Petey the Slasher’.”

“What kind of name is Stracciatella?” Alvarez said. “Isn’t that a chocolate?”

“Pete Stracciatella is one of the most dangerous individuals in the film community.” Pops explained. “He’s actually #2 on the most wanted list after the guy who goes around finding newborn babies, showing them a movie, and then killing them. Birth, movie, and death all before the baby is a year old.”

“So how come we haven’t heard of Stracciatella before?” Dhalgren said. “I’ve been in the field just as long as Karlston.”

“He’s operates behind a shadow network that does his bidding for him.” Karlston said. “When he does make himself shown he goes to town slashing up film left, right, and center.”

“What could cause a man to do such a thing?” Alvarez asked.

“Vengeance on the Hollywood system that did him wrong.” Jean said.

“Jean is right.” Pops said. “Stracciatella had high hopes of becoming the greatest showman in Hollywood. He wanted to be a quintuple threat: acting, dancing, singing, directing, and choreographing. He even produced a film on his own a good ten years from Tommy Wiseau would do the same thing to critical acclaim. At every turn, at every chance, at every opportunity someone else was always waiting just after that would one-up him. Eventually, he had enough.”

Dhalgren flipped the dossier. “This guy’s a ghost. There’s only been three confirmed sightings over the span of thirteen years. How is that possible?”

“He has a background in magic that allows him to plan an elaborate escape. There’s rumors he worked on the Now You See Me films. He’s one of the best.” Karlston said.

“What’s our next move?” Alvarez asked.

“We should inform the Director,” Karlston said. “And then head back home. This is going to be another cold case.”

There was momentary silence before the sound of a gun cocking filled the room. Karlston, Dhalgren, and Alvarez looked up from the dossier across the table. Jean had a gun nuzzled straight against the back of Pops’s head.

“Never trust the French.” Dhalgren said.

Jean grabbed Pops and pulled her upright. Using her as a shield, Jean edged his way to the exit.

“It’s nothing personal, guys.” Jean shouted to the trio. “But I can’t let you live if you know the bombing was caused by Stracciatella. That dossier has only been changed on the three days I was took off for my Happy Birthday celebrations. Otherwise, well, I think you now know why EXODUS hasn’t made any solid leads on Stracciatella.”

Jean opened the door and pushed Pops through into the hallway. He kept the gun pointed on her with one hand while he pulled a grenade from his pocket. He pulled the pin and flipped the lever up.

“Adieu heureux.” He said tossing the grenade. The door slammed shut and the deadlock clicked into place.

The grenade’s ticking filled the air. Dhalgren and Alvarez scanned the room quickly for any signs of escape, but none presented themselves. Karlston grabbed Dhalgren and Alvarez and threw them on the ground in front of him. He pulled out a knife and slammed it between them as the grenade exploded.

The room was engulfed in a swirl of flames and debris.

***

UNKNOWN – AMAZON

AUGUST 1, 2018 – 1845 HOURS

McClain had seen his fair share in his short time as a contact-for-hire, but this took the cake. He hadn’t once tried to rescue someone who turned out to be the leader of an Amazon tribe hellbent on killing him. That was new.

He was strung horizontally to a long wooden pole over a unlit fire pit. He had seen enough movies to know where this was going, and he didn’t like it.

He whistled to a nearby tribesman who was sharping a knife. The tribesman looked up, grunted, and went back to work. Damn, McClain thought, this might be harder to get out of then Casablanca.

If McClain wasn’t going to have any luck persuading tribesmen, then his only chance of survival was getting through to their leader.

“Hey, deadfella!” He shouted. The leader looked up and frowned. “Yeah, you!” McClain called again.

The leader sighed and walked over to McClain who smirked as the leader came closer.

“Is this what ‘showing no mercy’ is?” He asked.

“My men know exactly how to break a man,” The leader said. “To the point where when he begs for mercy, that’s when you increase the torture. You will die, make no doubt about that, but it will be a slow painful death dragged out for days. You’ll regret that EXODUS ever hired you to come find me.”

The tribesman with the newly sharpened knife turned and face McClain. He took a step forward as the wind whistled. The knife dropped from his hand as the tribesman clutched at his throat, an arrow sticking straight out of it.

McClain smiled and turned to the leader, “And you’re going to regret not killing me sooner.”

A canister tumbled across the dirt and stopped at the leader’s feet. He looked down at it and sighed, “I hate Americans.”

The canister exploded releasing a cloud of smoke. The leader was thrown off his feet. The tribesman scattered with their spears stumbling over one-another looking for the threat. One-by-one they were picked off by arrows until the remaining few chose to abandon their leader and flee into the jungle.

Out from the smoke Vincent Kane appeared. He walked over to McClain and sliced him off the pole. He nudged his head towards the crossbow in his hand. “Pretty great, eh? Actual prop from Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters. It’s fully operational, man!”

McClain rested a hand on Kane’s shoulder. “Vince, I appreciate the rescue, but I don’t give two fucks about your horror obsession.”

Kane rolled his eyes and strapped the crossbow to his back. “You need to expand your mind beyond the works of Bruce Willis and Harrison Ford.”

The two stared at each other and broke into laughter. “It’s good to fecking see you, man.” McClain said as they bro-hugged.

Kane glanced over at the leader, knocked unconscious on the ground. “What’s with the deadfella?”

“AWOL 0SCAR agent.” McClain said. “I’m supposed to bring him in.”

Kane walked over and scoped out the body. “Why?”

McClain joined Kane, leaned over the leader, and punched him in the stomach. The leader’s eyes flashed open and he hurled onto the ground. McClain reached across and picked up a flashdrive out of the vomit. He turned to Kane and showed it to him. “Someone’s been stealing EXODUS secrets.”

***

L’EXODUS HEADQUARTERS – PARIS

AUGUST 2, 2018 – 0103 HOURS

The force field shimmered out and Karlston pulled the knife out of the ground and pocketed it. Dhalgren and Alvarez stared at him in shock.

Karlston looked at two. “Did Monsoon not tell you the knives did that?”

Dhalgren let out an exasperated exhale. “No, he did not.”

Karlston smiled. “Classic Monsoon.”

“Yeah,” Alvarez said with a dash of sarcasm. “Thanks a lot.”

The three got up and stretched. The briefing room was completely destroyed except for damage-resistant walls. The door, however, had been blown open. They walked into the hallway. L’EXODUS was completely dead.

“He’s gone.” Alvarez said. “Probably with Pops to who knows where.”

“We have a bigger issue.” Karlston said pulling out his cellphone. He held it up to his ear as it rang.

“You got an update, Karlston?” came the Director’s voice through the speaker.

“Lock down EXODUS.” Karlston said. “There’s a snitch inside the walls.”

To be continued next month.

DISCLAIMER: Any similarities between real life people are purely coincidental.


A lot of great content this month! As always, a huge thank you to the returning talents of Poppity, Mr. Poppity, Sailor Monsoon, Vincent Kane, King Alvarez, Joshua Martyniouk, Mister Splendiferous, Edison Crawley, TheDeadFellow, Mark Naff, T. Dark Knight 9113, Resurrected Cascade, Michael and the Argonauts, BB Ben, and everyone who took part in the Wizarding World ranking! You are all one step closer to that cappuccino machine.

This month we thanked Sailor Monsoon for his continued dedication on the site. However, for those who continue to volunteer on the site or just read FilmExodus, thank you. We have a unique body of talented writers and commenters so I am glad we offer something for taste in film. We have some new writers starting before the new year, so keep your eyes peeled for them. We have some pretty awesome content coming in December.

Also, this will be the last Overview in its current incarnation. A fresh new look is coming in 2019.

Until next month, feckers.


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