Monsoon-A-Day: 5 Mini Reviews

Welcome to Monsoon-a-day.
Where I watch and review a movie a day.

Day 33

I decided to mix things up and review five films at a time. I didn’t feel like i had much to say about any of them, so i decided to lump them all together.

Enjoy

 

1. Alone In The Dark

The IMDB plot synopsis:

“A quartet of murderous psychopaths break out of a mental hospital during a power blackout and lay siege to their doctor’s house.”

Alone In The Dark is one of the horror films that should’ve been remade yesterday. The premise is solid but the execution is a bit wonky. Dwight Schultz plays the main character and he’s not bad in the role but i feel as if it needed a bigger genre actor. A Peter Weller or a Jeffrey Combs would’ve made this a more well known film amongst genre fans. In fact, all the casting decisions in this film are odd.

Martin Landau and Jack Palance are the loons and they’re given nothing to do. And Donald Pleasence once again plays a psychiatrist but this time he’s really into new wave medicine. He’s a hippy. I think it would’ve been more fun to see him play the killer this time but c’est la vie. There’s a great scene involving one of the inmates and a little girl that’s eerily reminiscent to a similar scene in con air but it’s much more effective in this film. And they also have a great twist set up but they ruin it.

If the film would’ve ended with that reveal, it’ll would’ve been much stronger. But they decided to end the film with Jack Palance going to a night club. It’s not a spoiler but it is fucking weird.

It feels as though they finished the film and realized they had Landau and Palance under contract another day, so they film this weird dream sequence in the beginning with Landau and the nightclub scene at the end with Palance. Neither brings anything to the film and both feel incredibly shoehorned in. Just bizarre. Other than the solid penis someone should remake, there’s not much to recommend. Skip It

 

2. Infra-Man

The IMDB plot synopsis:

“Princess Dragon Mom and her mutant army have arisen, and only Inframan can stop them!”

Infra-Man is what you get if the Shaw Bros teamed up with Sid and Marty Krofft and it’s fucking glorious. You look at this film, (Which was made in 1975) and you wonder why the fuck American movies can’t crack the superhero genre. Take the 2017 Power Rangers for example. It takes them roughly 20-25 minutes to get their suits. Why? Infra-Man is made within maybe the first 8 minutes. They waste no time getting to the fun. Audiences don’t love origin stories. They love good stories. And if you can tell an origin in five minutes, then tell the fucking origin in five minutes. They comes to earth and wants to conquer it, hero has to stop it. I don’t know why studios are trying to make it more complicated then that. Japan nailed that shit 40 years ago. Definitely See It

 

3. The Golden Bat

The IMDB plot synopsis:

“When the Earth is threatened by an evil alien, a group of UN scientists travel to the lost city of Atlantis where they unearth a superhuman mummy named The Golden Bat who is prophesied to help the humans survive this terrible attack.”

The Golden Bat is Infra-Man but made ten years earlier and probably half the budget. It’s still enjoyable but you can tell they were really hampered by their budgetary limitations. But it doesn’t really matter because the film moves insanely fast. First you think the kids who discovers the UFO’s is going to be the main character, then the scientist played by Sonny Chiba, Then The Golden Bat himself (Who is a 1000 year old crime fighting skeleton, who inexplicably has magical powers) then maybe it’s the girl who can control The Golden Bat? Maybe it’s all of them, Maybe it’s like five other characters i forgot about. Who cares. When film gets tired of a plot line, it drops it dead. No time for waste. The Golden Bat must continuously move forward like a shark, a crazy shark in an ocean of crazy. It’s a fast paced live action cartoon that would be a huge hit on blu-ray if they added some color to it. If you’re a fan of crazy Japanese entertainment like Ultraman or Kamen Rider, I say: Watch It

 

4. Tourist Trap

The IMDB plot Synopsis:

“A group of young friends stranded at a secluded roadside museum are stalked by the owner of the place, who has the power to control his collection of mannequins.”

At no point in the film do they explain the villains ability to control mannequins. It’s just kind of a thing he can do. If you can look past the absurd premise, Tourist Trap is actually pretty great. There’s a great performance by Chuck Conners and the mannequins are creepy as sin. I would say this film should be remade but the 2005 remake of House Of Wax is more of a remake of this, than it is to the Vincent Price film. They have so many similarities, it can’t be a coincidence. Except Tourist Trap doesn’t kill Paris Hilton, So House Of Wax wins. Watch It.

 

5. Kubo And The Two Strings

The IMDB plot Synopsis:

“A young boy named Kubo must locate a magical suit of armour worn by his late father in order to defeat a vengeful spirit from the past.”

Here’s my problem with Laika-The studio that made Kubo-I feel like it’s a ship without a captain. Every other major animation studio has a figure head. Someone you can point to and say “That’s the man steering the ship.” Pixar has John Lasseter, Studio Ghibli has Miyazaki, Disney even has the ghost of Walt but Laika doesn’t have anyone. Henry Selick? He only worked on Coraline. In fact, There’s no overlap between films. They don’t share writers. They don’t share producers. It’s weird to me.

And that’s probably why every one of their films has failed to leave an impression on me. There’s no unifying vision or style. They’re gorgeous looking films that are hollow, Like the most beautiful chocolate bunny. Kubo and the Two Strings is no different.

It’s mind boggling to me why the crew would spend 4 years of their lives creating such a exquisitely made film that’s essentially a fetch quest. The main character has to get 3 items, fight the baddie and then game over. That’s it. There’s nothing more to the film then that. You could’ve made this a Legend Of Zelda film with very little effort and it would’ve been incredible. But we didn’t get Link fighting Ganon, We got Kubo fighting a glow worm. A glow worm who’s motivations are still not clear to me. He wants Kubo’s eye. That’s all i got. Some of you will love this film and i bet some of you already do but it did nothing for me. I didn’t hate it, I don’t love it. I wasn’t bored but i also wasn’t excited or surprised by anything that happened. It just exists. Rent it