Monsoon-A-Day: ‘Agent For H.A.R.M.’ 1966

Welcome to Monsoon-a-day.
Where I watch and review a movie a day.

DAY 7

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Agent For H.A.R.M

In honor of James Bond week, I decided to review some of the more obscure James Bond films and Rip-offs and next up is: Agent For H.A.R.M.

From Wikipedia:
Agent for H.A.R.M. is a 1966 science fiction spy thriller (spy-fi) directed by Gerd Oswald and starring Peter Mark Richman. It is one of a number of spy thrillers of the time which have conspicuous sci-fi elements. In this case it is the inclusion of deadly spores which turn human flesh into fungus on contact.

It was originally intended that this film would act as the television pilot for a new spy series. However, it was later decided that it should be given a theatrical release instead. It was initially released as a double feature with Wild Wild Winter.

In 1997 this film was featured on movie-mocking television show Mystery Science Theater 3000, as experiment (episode) #815.

Plot
Adam Chance (Peter Mark Richman), works for an American agency, H.A.R.M. (Human Aetiological Relations Machine). He is assigned to protect Dr. Jan Steffanic (Carl Esmond), a recent Soviet defector who has developed a new weapon which fires spores that upon contact with skin slowly eat the body away.

Following Dr Steffanic’s arrival in the US he is taken into protective custody by H.A.R.M. and is placed in a beach house along with his niece and Agent Chance to develop a spore antidote. Here he reveals the communists’ real plan, which is to dust all of the American crops with these deadly spores. During their time at this house Chance falls for Steffanic’s niece Ava Vestok (Barbara Bouchet), who is later revealed to be a communist spy. After the flat is attacked, Dr Steffanic is kidnapped by European spies and taken to a warehouse. Chance eventually rides in and a gun fight ensues in which Steffanic is exposed to the deadly spores in a valiant sacrifice, and dies. Afterwards, Chance re-appears at the beach house and arrests Ava for good.

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I have to give you the entire Wikipedia page to tell you what happens in this movie because i have no fucking clue what happened.
Because after 10 minutes i checked out.
Hard.
Here’s everything i did while waiting for something to happen in agents of L.A.M.E.

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-Read about wonder woman and the history of bondage in literature.

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-Perused David bowies Wikipedia page.

-Bought some shit off of Amazon
(Looking up bowie’s page made me want to buy a new knife for stabbin’)

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-looked up bathing suits for my lady.

-And then i looked up interesting Facts:

-In 1923, jockey Frank Hayes won a race at Belmont Park in New York despite being dead— he suffered a heart attack mid-race, but his body stayed in the saddle until his horse crossed the line for a 20–1 outsider victory.

-Months that begin on a Sunday will always have a “Friday the 13th.”

-Coca-Cola would be green if colouring weren’t added to it.

-On average a hedgehog’s heart beats 300 times a minute.

-More people are killed each year from bees than from snakes.

-A pig’s orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(How would you test that!?)

-A cockroach will live for weeks without its head before it starves to death.

-Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour.

-The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male’s head off.

-The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It’s like a human jumping the length of a football field.

That was only the first 30 minutes.
After that i just prayed to god to Hellen Keller my ass or strike me dead.
This movie is worse than dead puppies on Christmas.