Monsoon-A-Day ‘Dangerous Men’ (2005?)

Welcome to Monsoon-a-day.
Where I watch and review a movie a day. Or whenever I fucking feel like it.

Day 78

 

You would think based on the recent obsession with The Room, that Tommy Wiseau is the only director to have made a bad film. Even though that story is definitely intriguing and the film itself gloriously terrible, it doesn’t hold a candle to the there’s-no-way-this-is-real-film experience that is Dangerous Men.

John Rad (real name Jahangir Salehi Yeganehrad) started production on this film in 1984 and after two decades of re-shoots, the film was finally released in 2005. But it didn’t become readily available until 2015 when Alamo Drafthouse released it under their label.

It took Rad twenty years to see his vision finally hit the big screens and let me tell you, it’s kind of worth the wait.

I don’t like the phrase “so bad, It’s good” because it becomes a blanket excuse to intentionally market shitty films or an excuse to hide behind your failures. Shit like the Sharknado franchise exist solely to capitalize on the “so bad, It’s good” craze and any film chasing a trend are automatically devoid of merit. They’re hollow products marketed to hipsters that won’t let the joke die.

*cough* We done sucking Wiseau’s dick yet? The film is trash and now y’all ruined it by making it popular trash *cough*

Dangerous Men isn’t a film “so bad, It’s good.”Dangerous Men is barely a film. It’s held together with scotch tape and insanity. The plot is a retread of Ms .45 but through the prism of a madman’s eyes.

Nothing makes any sense. Characters show up for a scene and are never seen or mentioned again. The main character leaves the film 40 minutes in, is replaced by another character who’s hunting someone completely different, then he’s replaced and then we’re left with a random guy hunting the main villain.

It sounds confusing because you’re sane.

To clarify slightly: the film opens with the main character almost getting raped by a guy but then her boyfriend tragically sacrifices his life to save her. She then immediately asks the rapist outon a date and the scene goes on for so long (it clocks in at just under 15 minutes), that you’re honestly left wondering if the film is just going to be about a woman finding a love connection with a rapist.

But then she kills him. This is when the film becomes a K-mart version of Ms .45. She’s pretends to be a prostitute to kill as many “dangerous men” as she can find but then, about 40 minutes into the film, she’s arrested and we never see her again. You know, that old chestnut.

Then the film switches gears and becomes about the main characters boyfriends brother who happens to be a cop investigating all the murders committed by the main character. He’s also looking for vengeance against the man who murdered his brother.

Now, if you have been paying attention, you’ll know that the main character (no, the other one. Ms .45) already killed the man responsible for murdering the boyfriend/brother. So the rest of the film is about a guy trying to find vengeance even though vengeance hath been wrought over an hour ago in movie time.

The main villain is then introduced with less than 15 minutes remaining and then the film finally kicks into action with the most explosive 3rd act ever captured on film.

And by most explosive, I mean the last remaining characters trade blows for less than a minute and apparently that scuffle was too much because the main character has to be taken away in an ambulance and then we’re introduced to main character number three. Who’s only had about four minutes of screen time previous.

I’m going to leave the last five minutes a mystery for you to discover because films don’t end like this. No film has ever ended like this. Because Dangerous Men isn’t a film, it’s an experience.