Monsoon-A-Day: ‘Devil’s Express’ 1976

Welcome to Monsoon-a-day.
Where I watch and review a movie a day.

Day 29

 

I first heard about Devil’s Express about 2 years ago while researching obscure Blaxploitation films like Darktown Strutters and The Spook Who Sat By The Door. (Both of which you should check out) I saw the poster and knew immediately i needed to see it.

Look at that fucking poster. You got a Black Dynamite looking motherfucker named Warhawk Tanzania fighting a demon in a subway. As the kids say, I can’t even. I literally can’t even.

So i proceeded to go to Amazon to buy this masterpiece and this arrived:

Technically i got Devil’s Express but there was no Warhawk Tanzania. There was no subway demon. It was about a witch and a curse and Who gives a fuck. It wasn’t what i wanted.

So then i ordered it again and received this:

It was clearly a DVD rom ripped copy but it was fine. Beggers can’t be choosers.

Until it stopped half way and never worked again.

So i emailed the chap that burnt it and he sent me another copy. I finally got a working copy. Was Devil’s Express worth the time, money, and effort i put into getting it? Short answer:

No.

Long answer:

Fuck. No.

If you go to the films IMDB page what’s the first thing you notice?

Here let me help you:

Based on the poster and plot description you would assume the film would be about a martial arts master fucking up a demon in a subway and technically that happens but that’s like saying Alien is about “A Badass female space captain that has to battle a terrifying alien to save earth.” Again, technically that happens but it lasts all of 2 minutes.

And that’s still 90 seconds longer than the fight with the subway demon in Devil’s Express.

The only way to accurately describe the plot of Devil’s Express is, ok imagine if Hoyt Axton in Gremlins was a Chinese cop and instead of buying a Gremlin he bought a ancient pendant. And the guy he bought the pendant from had ties to the Yakuza and i guess Zach Galligan is Warhawk Tanzania but he has nothing to do with the pendant but he is trying to stop the yakuza.

Still with me? Of course you’re not.

So it’s mostly about a guy (Warhawk) and the cop (Asian Hoyt) fighting the Yakuza. and then running concurrently to that story, people are dying in the subway and every one just assumes it’s the Yakuza until somebody (Warhawk) decides to investigate what it is. He finds out what it is, What it’s doing and defeats it all in the span of 1:45 seconds. Yes, i counted. I’m even being generous and adding the scene that takes place before he enters the subway.

One of its original titles is “Gang Wars” (Which IMDB mixes up with what I’m assuming is One Deadly Road. That’s how little anyone cares about this film.) And that title makes a shit ton more sense. I don’t know why the demon was added. He was completely superfluous. I guess the director knew if he slapped one on the poster, 40 years later i would buy two copies of it. Touché guy who directed Devil’s Express. Touché in deed.

 

Maybe there was zombies in this? Full discretion: i was drunk and i barely payed any attention. But i don’t remember no Damn zombies. That’s for Damn sure.