Only based on projects that Gosling acted in. If somebody has a better joke, I will replace it up to a week after the original post.
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(Some of these were contributed by Joe Newman. Thanks, Joe.)
Frankenstein and Me: Dracula and Frankenstein drive across the country visiting patients in blood banks.
Remember the Titans: Zeus keeps forgetting if his son’s name is Hercules or Heracles. Gosling plays Hercules.
The Believer: Gosling plays an incredibly gullible man who believes whatever people tell him.
Murder by Numbers: Inspired heavily by Sesame Street. The Numbers Four and Six kill the Letter W in a racially motivated attack. Gosling plays Detective Q.
The Slaughter Rule: An Animated Film in which Jordy (voiced by Ryan Gosling), a cow on the way to the slaughterhouse, begins to accept his noble fate of becoming a delicious. juicy and surprisingly affordable steak. Presented by The Wisconsin Beef Council and Your Local Pick ‘n Save!
The United States of Leland: A 12-year-old kid takes over the United States for a day and rewrites the constitution in crayon.
The Notebook: After the escape of a brilliant and vengeful serial killer, the now-amnesiac detective that originally put him away (Ryan Gosling) must return to the case armed only with the memories left in his Notebook.
Stay: Gosling plays a loyal chauffeur who likes to dress up like a dog for his rich boss.
Half Nelson: Gosling plays Nelson, who gets cut in half with a chainsaw. Look for the sequel, Full Nelson.
Fracture: Gosling breaks his wrist playing tennis… or so he claims.
Lars and the Real Girl: Lars decides that he does not want to date a woman who has had plastic surgery.
Blue Valentine: Recently divorced, Gosling plays a greeting card designer who gets fed up with red and pink for Valentine’s day.
All Good Things: Funeral home director Gosling tries to put a positive spin on every tragedy in his life. This attitude backfires when he falls for a very negative woman (Kirsten Dunst).
Crazy, Stupid, Love: Two mental patients (Gosling and Steve Carell) break out of an institution and go on an adventure to find Gosling’s true love.
Drive: Sequel to Forrest Gump in which Gump (Ryan Gosling) recounts a trip he took to the pacific Northwest. In the narration, he says:
That day, for no particular reason, I decided to go for a little drive. So I drove to the end of the road. And when I got there, I thought maybe I’d drive to the end of town. And when I got there, I thought maybe I’d just drive across Greenbow County. And I figured, since I drove this far, maybe I’d just drive across the great state of Alabama. And that’s what I did. I drove clear across Alabama. For no particular reason I just kept on driving. I drove clear to the ocean. And when I got there, I figured, since I’d gone this far, I might as well turn around, just keep on going. When I got to another ocean, I figured, since I’d gone this far, I might as well just turn back, keep right on going.
I just felt like driving.
The Ides of March: On March 15th, 2011, Julius (Ryan Gosling) decides to celebrates a promotion by ordering his favorite soothing meal: A Caesar Salad. However, when it is delivered to his room at Caesar’s Palace, the Delivery Guy and Total Bro, Brutus (George Clooney), stabs Julius 23 times.
The Place Beyond the Pines: Set during the Holiday season, Gosling plays a down on his luck pine tree salesman who discovers aliens after taking a wrong turn past his tree lot.
Gangster Squad: Aspiring rapper, J-W00T (Ryan Gosling), seeks to get his old crew, The Gangster Squad, back together in order to stop wealthy fast-food magnate, Thanos (Josh Brolin), from demolishing their beloved rec center for his next Infinity Burger restaurant.
Only God Forgives: Gosling plays a priest who keeps telling people he can’t forgive them. This does not make the local mafia leader too happy.
The Big Short: A movie starring Peter Dinklage and Lou Ferrigno as actors trying to catch a break. Gosling plays their agent.
The Nice Guys: Gosling and Russell Crowe play pickpockets who go to Nice to rob the high rollers.
La La Land: Gosling plays a brave knight who sets out to rescue fair maiden Emma Stone from Damian Chazelle’s musical compositions.
Song to Song: Gosling plays a radio DJ who changes songs in rapid succession due to his ADHD.
Blade Runner 2049: Blade (Wesley Snipes) takes up running track in the future. Gosling plays his coach.
First Man: Story of Adam and Eve (Gosling and Claire Foy) trying to start a cider business, much to God’s anger.